"You Don't Need No Baggage, You Just Get On Board"

I think that everybody in the world should listen to "People Get Ready" by the Impressions every New Years because this song is just so optimistic as it tells you to leave the past behind and move on.  We all should listen to the message of this song and put all the depressing baggage of 2010 behind us as we carry on into 2011.  Still, it doesn't hurt to have you're own personal year in review.
The top ten-the good, the bad, and the ugly:
10. (ugly) I was humilitated when a boy thought it was funny to grab my butt and blame it on his friend. Then he got expelled from school, and that episode was the talk of our grade. The good thing that I got out of that was that I learned that I could be strong and not let anything stop me from living my life.
9. (good) My well used $300 shopping spree
8. (good) I went on my first date, which was with Donkey. eww.
7. (good) I wrote my first real spoken word poem, "Pride".
6. (good) I sold the most tickets for my NAACP luncheon
5. (bad) The first guy that I really liked back was just playing me for a fool and I had to learn it at our NAACP Freedom Fund Banquet.  Donkey was not only talkin' to me honey, so I had to let him go, but the best part was that I learned how to deal with this in the future.
4. (good) I started my very own  blogs.  One that I use to get my political views out there, "That Black Pride" and my online diary that I hope empowers others is, "Memoirs Of A Young Sistah"
3. (good) I went to my first real political rally as they re-did the March On Washington.  Even though it was not as good as it was back in 1963, it still was an experience that I will never forget.
2. (good) Going to BGF's football games were so cool!  I would just watch him out there playing and would tell myself, "that's MY boy out there! Y'all don't know him like I do!"lol  Spending a lot more time with him was awesome and I really realized how lucky I am to have him as my friend, and I gave him a great present that showed my appreciation and he loved it!
1. (BEST) Becoming a senior.  I had always dreamt of the day when I would be in my senior year in high school, and I still can't believe that I'm here!  I'm only months away from walking across the stage in my cap and gown! Going to prom! This is going to be great! So I am praying that along the way, I will have good fortune, and will get accepted to my top college of choice because this is a huge step.  I am going to have to make a lot of huge decisions on my own, even though it's scary. . .I'M READY!
  When I was younger, I use to make a list of about ten things that I wanted to accomplish in the new year, and I never got to any of them!  So I have gotten into the habit of just making no more than six things that I want to make possible.  So I am pleased to give you my goals for 2011.
  1. Graduate from high school
  2. Go to prom and have a great time
  3. Enter the spoken word contest at school
  4. Attend my top choice of Ohio State University, or my plan B's: Howard University and Penn State University-University Park.  Also get as much scholarship money as possible!
  5. Follow one of the exercise plans in Seventeen Magazine and eat right
  6. Get Straight A's on final report cards
So happy New Year!  Thanks for following this crazy sistah!  Now as school resumes and a new year begins to unfold, I hope that all of you will have nothing but good fortune.  And remember not to dwell on the things that tried to bring you down in 2010 because that's so last year.  And when stuff tries to bring you down in 2011, keep on pushin'!

PEACE!

                  Ya girl Blackness!

Playing Dress Up! Week 16!

This week, I didn't feel like I looked my best, but I always put my appearance in the back seat during the week.  See, I believe that school is a place where you learn, get good grades, and get out of there as soon as senior comes around.  It's funny how many see it as an opportunity to show off their new clothes, and wear all this make-up. . .but for what?  No matter how cool your clothes look, or how cute you look in make-up, that  doesn't contribute to your graduation.  Yeah you might be voted the prettiest smile, or most conceited, but colleges are not interested in popularity contests!
On the weekend though is when I turn it on, and I wear my nice clothes and do my hair the way I want to!  But you don't know how happy I was when Friday came because that means Christmas Break!  I had an epiphany though: when I go back to school in 2011, I will only be months away from prom and graduating from high school!  It's just like yesterday I was just starting my senior year, but now it's about time that I start shopping for prom dresses and asking SG, BGF, or Mr. Revolution to prom!  Most likely, I'm going to ask BGF, but I want to make sure our prom is going to be good because our school is not letting us do too much for making money this year, which isn't fair!  But I have hope that it will end out good because the seniors last year were complaining about this same thing, but their prom turned out to be awesome.
Last Friday, I got an email from Ohio State telling me that they have received my application, which means that I have a ten to twelve week wait, and this school is my first choice school.  And I feel that I will get in because you know how you got that feeling that you can see the future with something, and then that something begins to pop up everywhere?  Like when I was talking to donkey, I was trying my hardest to see a future with him, but I just couldn't see it, and now we have no future because he's a donkey.  With Ohio State, the day I got the conformation email, I happened to be looking at their men's basketball schedule.  Then the same day that a graduating senior from last year came to talk about Ohio State, I got an email about my password and stuff to check my application status.  Then I keep seeing Ohio State stuff everywhere I turn, which gives me a good feeling that it was meant to be, but I don't want to jinx myself.
We had an NAACP meeting yesterday and I was eager for my friend to meet Donkey after I kept dogging him for what he did to me, and I was surprised that this meeting went really well.  I think now because I actually have a friend in the meetings with me, I feel a lot more comfortable, and it seems like I'm almost beginning to like this youth council.  and I said, "ALMOST", but the best moment about this week was just a couple of hours ago when I was in my room trying on the new clothes I bought from the  mall the other weekend, and they made me look so cute!  I was also listening to Chrisette Michele while I got dressed and nothing could stop me!  Even though during the week I have some kind of doubt about the beauty of my body type, which is thick, and as soon as I put on some nice clothes, I feel so much better about myself, and I encourage all my sistahs out there to follow suit!  Whenever you're beginning to feel low about your body, play dress up in some flattering clothes while listening to some Chrisette Michele, Jill Scott, Corinne Bailey Rae, and Laura Izibor then you shall see the light!

Little Sistah Week 15!

Just the other day I was going through my usual episode of depression, and I just had to pick up my favorite self-help book, "Letters To A Young Sister" by Hill Harper.  And coincidentally, the first page I read really helped me a lot.  The girl he was writing to asked him "what do people mean by having self-respect?"  He forwarded the e-mail to Alfre Woodard, a well known actress who starred in many movies, which include my two favorites, Love and Basketball and Something New.  In her e-mail to the girl, she said to the effect that even though we grow older, we still are a part of that little girl we once were.  So just like a regular child, we need to take care of her, feed her right, treat her right, and love her with all our heart.  Then that got me to thinking, and I've been pondering for a couple of days now.
As I passed by that picture of me on the wall when I was a couple weeks old, I had an epiphany: I still am that little baby, but I'm just a little bit taller, smarter, wiser, and more developed.  Still, this baby belongs to my mom and I need to take real good care of her and give her words of encouragement everyday.  So next week, I will make it my business to exercise more, eat better, take better care of myself, specifically my skin, and to be strong for myself.  I thought that I had self-respect just because I don't wear tight clothes and I don't act the way those other girls in my school act, but the one thing I was missing was just really taking care of myself the way that I should, and having confidence.
There was one thing that was bothering me though.  Earlier in the week, I learned that I was to do a powerpoint presentation on the history of technology after I was so excited to do a project on a famous African American.  So I decided that I would to Black technological innovations because our Black ancestors don't get all the credit that they deserve, and too many people don't know about their accomplishments.  So I was cool, then in the car, I told my mom that I wanted to make it Black, and that's when she said, "yeah  because that's the only color you see."  I playfully replied, "no I don't!"  On the inside, I was thinking, is that what other people think too?  I love diversity!  I live in Cleveland, and there is an area called University Circle and it's just beautiful.  The Cleveland Museum of Art is located there, the Botanical Gardens, the Western Reserve Historical Society, the Natural History Museum, the Cleveland Institutes of Art and Music, and lastly Case Western Reserve University--among a million other things.  There is so much diversity there because of Case, and I have to admit, I see more Asians there than anything else.  I don't know if this may sound crazy, but every time I see other cultures here in America, I tell myself, "wow.  Only in America can you see so many cultures together as one, and we don't look at it like it's strange."  I actually would choose a predominately white college over an HBCU because of the diversity!
Now, the reason why I try to incorporate Black history in most, if not everything I do because I feel like I'm the only one that's doing it in my school.  And these kids don't care to know about their history, so I force open their eyes to make them see it and trust me, I've made progress.  Truthfully, this is the only way I can feel like I'm fulfilling my destiny because I am not as involved in my community as I should be, and yeah I am in the NAACP, but they don't do as much in the community as they do within the organization and that kills me sometimes.  Still being in the NAACP is beneficial because you learn the skills needed to become a future leader in your community, which I am truly thankful for.
PEACE!
Love,
          Blackness

What Are Donkeys? Week 14!

This week was oddly easy because I have been doing such a good job with getting SG out of my system, but I was wondering what was going to happen on Saturday when I went to my NAACP meeting for the first time since that incident happened last weekend.  My girl Jill came along for the ride and I couldn't wait for her to meet Donkey and that fat h@&.  Then the strangest thing happened, neither one of them came!  What a coincidence?!  So we had the meeting, and it went pretty well, but again I seemed to be nothing but a shadow in the corner.  When Howard was president, I felt comfortable around everyone, but now since Donkey came in, everything just doesn't feel right.  But I don't think that it's fair that he and those other mothertruckers will get access to the awesome opportunities that I won't have if I just up and leave.  So, the only way to make these people angry is to work my you know what off, and be the best treasurer that I can be!
The thing that made me cringe a little was when I heard one of the new girls go on and on about how Donkey sent her a text message saying "good morning queen".  As soon as I heard how happy she was about that, I had a deep urge to tell her what he was really about, and then I realized that her situation with Donkey is none of my business.  She will just have to learn the hard way that through the exterior of  his human skin, he is nothing more than a hay eating, big gummed Jackass!  So, I think this is so funny to me that he has found him some other prey in such a short time, but hey, all men are jackasses, but how big of a jackass is what makes each one of them different.

BLACK Iz Power: Rock Bottom Week 13!

This week, I decided to do something a little different.  See, I thought it would be a good idea to use my strife as a way to inspire others who are in a similar situation.  But first, I want to elaborate on what "Black Iz Power" means.
To many of you, Black Iz Power means, Black Power, but that's not the case.  Black Iz Power is referring to the inner Black in all of us, the pride in all of us.  A long time a go, Black was in, but sense then we have lost our way and we need to find it.  We need to empower one another on our journey to finding it because only then will we have the power.  This power that I speak of is not Black Power, but it is the power of Blackness, and the power of Education.
With the power of Blackness, we will have the strength, and the pride that illuminates our Black skin.  The power of Education is knowledge of the struggle of our people, and the accomplishments we have made along the way.
And the Iz, it's just my way of separating this meaning from Black Power.
Anyhow, this weekend, I hit rock bottom.  And I mean, the REAL rock bottom!  For months I have been seeing the numbers 11 on the clock every time I looked up, and I was wondering what it meant.  I had this hope that something good was going to come out of it on the 11th day of some month, but never would I have thought it to be a bad thing on the 11th month.  This was my birthday week, and I did my best to make it the best week possible, but there were other plans in store for me.
On Friday, I was excited because I had gotten another acceptance letter and this one was from Indiana State.  The only reason why I was excited was because if I could get into this school, I can get into Ohio State!  That day, I was also on a high because I had read a story about how Bob Moses was beaten up by this white guy and still found the strength to get up off the ground, his head still bleeding, to sign two Blacks to vote.  That same day when I read that, I had gotten a text from Donkey about an NAACP table at a local high school, and I day dreamed about how I would talk to the people that came by the table and the things I would say.
When I woke up that morning, I had this feeling like I really didn't want to go, but the story of Bob Moses was what got me out of bed and into that school.  Then when I got there, I learned that there was a teen summit that Donkey told me nothing about!  I was mad!  Then he was one of the speakers, and he lied every time he opened his mouth!  He's a horrible president, and he doesn't even tell me about half of the stuff they do!  But that was just the thing that gave me a headache, there was something else that made me so mad that I cried.
I was at the NAACP table waiting for people to come, and two girls came.  The first thing they asked me was, "what do we need to get?"  I started off  by telling them about the memberships when this. . .what's the best thing to call her without going out of principal. . .person just yelled at me.
"Why you gon' tell them about the memberships without telling them about the NAACP?!"
"I was getting to that!" I said politely.
So I preceded to tell them about the different things we do and when I ran out of things I turned it over to  the Vice President.  He did a better job than me, and I felt like I failed.  I also felt like I didn't belong.  So I told my step-dad to come get me, and I couldn't wait any longer in there while I was going through hell, and Donkey was happy.  That's not fair after what he had done to me!  So I took my Martin Luther King book and sat outside in the cold that I somehow ignored over my cries.  Tears were actually going down my cheeks and I was so mad that I had almost cussed in front of my step-dad on purpose!   Then to top it all off, I learned that SG might like my friend France.
I cried all that day, angry beyond comprehension.  I kept asking myself why I had to go through this when I don't do anything to deserve this?!  Then I was, and still am, considering quitting the NAACP because I joined so that I could do something to help out my community, not the drama that seems to surround Donkey.  I'm at rock bottom, so I guess morning is coming tomorrow and the next day and the next day.
With my afro, I know that I can only go up from here.  So, I looked at it like this. . .if it's true that SG likes France, cool, it gives a good to ask Mr. Revolution to the prom!  Also, I will try one more NAACP meeting next week, and I will do my best to be above that bull!  So, I will give you an update.

PEACE!
                 Blackness

The Spoken Word Trilogy: Week 12!

I have no idea who this woman is or if she is good, but I thought this was the perfect picture for my spoken word themed week.  I mean, I don't think that I do as good with poetry as I do with writing stories, but I do have some pretty good poems.  Anyhow, I will get on with it already!
On Monday or Wednesday I thought about writing a trilogy chronicling my relationship with SG, but instead of calling him SG, I call him spoken word.  Why did I choose spoken word out of all the other words in the world? That's because the poem is spoken word and people use this kind of poetry to express their deep feelings about ANYTHING.  I write spoken word about everything, and it's so free!  You can rhyme if you want, or you don't have to.  You can make noises and sing.  I mean, if you haven't heard of spoken word, you better get into your life and get there fast because this is the best outlet for your emotions!  I mean, there are geniuses out there like Black Ice, and even more personal, my cousin, Mr. Revolution.  I could go all day about why you should be listening to spoken word, but I need to be getting in bed before I can't get myself out of bed in the morning!
Well, I know that I wasn't going to mention SG again, but I had the craziest dream about him about two nights ago.  See, this was the first dream that I had about him  in a while, and in the beginning of the week I was having dreams about these ignorant brothas that I don't even think about, but I was satisfied that it wasn't him.  Then Friday night, I had a dream about him and we were flirting like we didn't care about anything.  It didn't go any further than that! I promise!  Then the crazy thing about it is that, I enjoyed it.  When I woke up, deep-deep-deep-deep-deep down inside of me, I knew that I wanted to dream about him again.  Then I got angry at myself asking myself, what the hell was I doing liking him in the first place?! I didn't get an answer, so I was just mad at him when he in all reality didn't do anything to me! (In this world anyway)  Then every time I looked up, there seemed like there was always something popping up to make me think about him.  Huh! This is so wrong!  I think I need professional help, that including Oprah and Dr. Phil, shoot, maybe even Ellen.
But I'm going to keep my head up because my birthday is tomorrow, and I need to be as positive as I can as  I turn 17. I'm one year closer to becoming a woman!

So peace and love,
                                 Blackness

Eye Candy! YuM! Week 11!

This week has been very busy, and I have gotten little rest, but I'm starting to get my apps out.  On Friday, I got an e-mail from Penn State saying that they received my fee waiver, and all that I had to do was submit my application.  I was so happy!  I did that yesterday, and I guess the only thing that I have to do is submit my ACT scores electronically.  Yeah, all this stuff is complicated.  Now, all that I've got left is Ohio State, Howard University, Georgia State, Miami University (Ohio), Ohio University, possibly Purdue and possibly Spelman.  So wish my luck!

This week was all good and I kept myself positive, and that's when my guidance counselor took me on a field trip to this DeVry program called "Her World".  At first, I truthfully didn't want to go, but I just went anyway because she really wanted me to go. Plus I got out of school.  The first bump was when I didn't have my ID, and the office lady threatened to give me a dress code violation.  Then when I got into the van I saw these two ho--girls that I didn't want to see.  I will call the one girl, "Ms. Bigstuff" and the other, "Mrs. Connor" after Bull Connor.  I didn't do anything to them, and of course they start talking about me just because there wasn't enough room for me to sit in the van.  Anyhow, I first met Mrs. Connor when I first came to this school, and she always had the nerve to laugh at me when she really had nothing to talk about.  Then in recent years, I've learned that she's racist against her own race, and I decided to put her on the spot by putting her full name in my book.  Next I knew of Ms. Bigstuff, but I had never really become aquatinted with her till the tenth grade.  She is most annoying because she thinks that the whole world is out to get her, and that EVERY girl envies her.  Plus she thinks that she's always right.  I still can't stand her because I know that she talks about me, even though she is friends with my cousin Princess Pink, but I never expect Pink to ever stand up for me anyways.
The ceremony turned out to be very inspirational, but the wait for the van was what kind of got to me.  I guess the teacher was calling my name and I was talking on the phone with my Grandma and I couldn't hear her.  So that drew the attention of those ignorant girls that I was sitting by.  When I finally heard her, they began to laugh, even my cousin! So I really didn't appreciate that, so  I moved to a quiet spot in the lobby of the hotel and read my Martin Luther King book because it makes me feel like I was in the '60s and I forgot about the whole thing.  Then me and the teacher began talking about history and music, which was good too.  On the car ride back, it was awkward because those girls were laughing and joking around while I was reading a book about history.  I felt so out of place in this age and I felt like I should be hanging out with adults, not children!  But I love who I am and wouldn't change it for the world!
While other girls were going to parties or hanging out at the mall, I was stuck at home baby sitting my baby sister, and ultimately my other sister who is close to the same age as me.  So I was changing poopy diapers while other girls where changing clothes in the dressing rooms at Express.  Then when I looked out the window I saw that BGF was out riding in his truck doing Lord knows what, and that could of been me.  Then I thought about how I don't have a boyfriend and how things didn't work out with SG, but I satisfied my sweet tooth with some Eye Candy.  I love Eye Candy because there is no commitment involved and you can fantasize about them all you want without the heartbreak of a real crush/boyfriend.  See, even though you know that you will never be with this Eye Candy, as long as you are looking at them, they are yours.  Today, Ohio State played against Penn State, and I have to admit that Penn State does not have too many cute Black players, but the white boys are cute.  Ohio State has plenty of Eye Candy, and right now I'm caught between two of them: my longtime "boyfriend" Terelle Pryor, and Dan Torrence.  When Terelle first came to Ohio State, I thought he was so cute and since then he has become the star of the team and he no longer can be just mine.  Then we have Dan, who looks a little bit better,  is just a rising star and he is so YuM! So it's getting pretty hard to choose!
Seeing Dan and Terelle today had me saying, "SG who?" I mean, don't get me wrong, SG got it, but these are real men. . .keyword: MEN.  So I look forward to seeing them next week, and now that college basketball is about to get started I will start thinking less and less about SG.
Hooray for men's NCAA sports!

Love,
             Blackness