Monday, August 30, 2010

A Book You Can Not Live Without

Right now I'm reading about 4 books, 2 have to deal with Dr. King (A Knock at Midnight, and Parting the Waters: American in the King Years 1955-1963 by Taylor Branch-yes that bad boy is over 900 pages!), 1 is dealing with the Black Panthers (Waiting'Til The Midnight Hour: Black Power In America by Peniel Joseph) and the other 1 is a book about how to find your inner Black self (Know Thy Self by Nakim Ak'bar).  Yeah, I'm a book worm kinda sistah, but there is one book that none of us should be living without, and that book is "A Knock At Midnight", a book of Martin Luther King's sermons, and that very title is the name of one of his most powerful sermons.  This book has changed my life!  Actually, it has brought light into my life when the sun wasn't shinning, but my mind goes off into distant lands every time I learn something new.  For instance, in history class, if we're talking about the Civil War, I will more than likely try to find a book about Slavery.  Right now, I'm trying to learn more about the Black Power Movement, and so far I don't agree with what the Nation of Islam was teaching our Brothers and Sistahs back then.   Anyhow, with this whole situation with SG, I have to read Martin's book because he always reminds me of my purpose on this Earth every time it becomes a little cloudy.  I got this book right from the Martin Luther King Jr. Center in Atlanta, and this has to be the best investment that I had my Mom make on me (yes, I was broke at the time.  Still am.)!  Every time I read this book, I pretend that I can actually hear him making the sermon and am pretty good at it.  And I remember so many of his quotes from the book till it's crazy, like this book has become my bible!  But I think that the most powerful of his sermons was "A Knock At Midnight" and in that sermon he talks about all the things that a church is there to do for the common folks of America, but the most powerful quote in that sermon; the one that anyone of us can use is the one I used in my blog "Lady sings the first week blues".  Man how I needed that quote today because I was even thinking about SG when I woke up this morning!  Ugh!  But lucky for me, my old crush from last year came back to school, I'll call him Mr. Vest because boy how I loved the way he looked when he came to school in a body hugging sweater vest.  Well I was so happy to see Mr. Vest because he is the best eye candy at that school, and here are the things that are working in his favor: he's smart, he's tall, he's cute, and respectful, but there was a reason why I stopped liking him in the first place: unlike SG, he's a playa (well as far as I know because SG never talks to me about girls).  He used to be hugged up on one girl after the other and that stuff got on my nerves so bad, but I was still friendly.  So now that he was back, I could at least keep SG off my mind while I was at school.  But I do like to think about BGF because he makes me feel as if there is some boy out there that wouldn't do me wrong.  I mean, we do mess wit each other and make fun of each other, but we mean it in good fun and still love each in the end cause we got each other's back.  Still on, I think that the only guy I can trust is Martin because he steps in when BGF can't be there, as he did today.   I mean, a sistah was pumped up!  I was reading my spoken word poem like the contest was tomorrow, and I read part of my TOP SECRET story really good too, which gave me this reminder that I was not put on this Earth to please any boy, so sorry my brothas.  I still love you though, and I'm pretty sure that by tomorrow, I will be thinking about SG again.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Color of Love is Scarlet and Gray

This was the best weekend of the whole school year because I got to go to my BGF's (Best Guy Friend) first football game of the season, and that was exciting!  I mean, I was planning to pay for the ticket at the place because I wasn't sure I was going, but my boy got me a ticket which I thought was so sweet.  Before, I get into that, I want to talk about a brotha that I've been thinking about lately.  I won't say his name, but I will call him SG(Scarlet and Gray, and why did I pick these colors?  Just figure it out on your own, but by the time I ask him to prom, you will know just who I'm talking about.).  I don't know why it is that I'm thinking about SG, but I think it's because of how I realized how much we love each other, and I mean that in a fun way, and I just had to wait to my last year to realize it.  So ever since he helped me feel better about this recent guy situation, I've been having these weird dreams about us, and don't worry we're not doing anything, but we like each other in these dreams and there is no denying it.  In real life, I was denying my feelings for him, and I was trying to get over him, but as the days grow and the more time we spend together, these feelings get deeper and deeper.  I remember the last time I liked SG, it ended so tragically but we were young, and I didn't even want to be in the same room as him because he made me nervous, but now I have to see him more and more; I have to be around him more and more; I have to talk to him more and more because I like him.  And I really look at the big picture, it's pretty obvious that he likes me too, just as much or more.  Now, I'm not denying my feelings for him, but I want to get over him so bad!
Yesterday I decided to sit out on the porch so that I could have the quiet of the outdoors to give me the inspiration I needed to write a poem for my Grandfather's 80 birthday.  It was working well, but I got sidetracked for a moment when I saw my BGF walk outside to chase his cousin around; his annoying cousin.  Then before I knew it, she brought her fast self across the street.
"Hey, why didn't you talk to BGF?"
"I didn't hear him."
She smiled.  "You didn't need to."
Um, if you don't know, this young sistah is 12.
Then I thought, damn, now he's probably mad at me because I didn't hear him, so I called him, but he didn't answer so that was the end of that.  I just sat there and played "Crusin'" by Smokey Robinson because that song can calm me during any situation.  And next thing I know, here comes my BGF walking across the street on his cellphone.  I was thinking, "damn, he just got on his phone without even calling me back?  All right, I got him."  He just casually walked past me and went into the house.  Then here came his cousin talking to me about boyfriends.
"Oh, your boyfriend is my cousin.  Do you go with my cousin?"
I actually blushed, but told her "no."
"You like my cousin don't you?"
"Um, no I don't."
"Um-hum.  I see how y'all be lookin' at each other.  You over here standing in the door, and he's sitting in the car."
Um, let me remind you again that this young sistah is 12! 12! 
So I just had to explain to her how I was running away from bees which is why she saw me looking out the door, and I do have a wood porch after all.  And that my brothas and sistahs is the truth.  Again she was pretending as if she knew that BGF liked me.  But she thankfully went back across the street and my BGF came back outside asking me what I wanted when I called.  I told him that I just wanted to know what he said, and he told me he didn't even say anything!  (That little girl had me worried for nothing!)  And she came back across the street and both of them began arguing, and she had finally said that "you're just showing off because you like Blackness!" (don't be alarmed, that's not my real name)  And he said, "um sorry Blackness", but never finished, but I know what he meant.  And their arguing was hilarious at first, but she became so annoying that I just took my stuff in the house and went upstairs into my room to make sure it was BGF proof, and finally they took their argument upstairs and I closed my door just in case his cousin was thinking about hiding in my room so that he wouldn't beat her up.  But finally he locked her out the house and he went back across the street to get ready for his football game.
I had planned on wearing a plain top with a black blazer because that was my favorite item in my closet, but my mom said I was too overdressed for a football game.  I mean, I celebrities wearing theirs just going on the town, even the mall, I'm actually going somewhere!  When my friend came over, I asked for her opinion, but she didn't help at all, so I just threw it back on until my Mom told me once again that I was overdressed for a football game, and I changed into my 2pac shirt with some skinny jeans, and my gold Ecko high tops.  And my fro made me look so Afrocentric!  I was still angry that my Mom told me that wearing my Blazer was over dressed!  UGH!  When we actually got to the game, man there was a whole bunch of White folks, and not just any White folks, they were the upper-middle class kind who could actually afford to do shiznit like this every weekend.  And there were so many people at Browns Stadium that you would of thought that the Browns were playing, and the reality that my boy was going to be playing in front of all these people was sinking in.  Then there were the White girls that just had to wear their tight shorts, and a Black girl was there and her shorts were so short I probably saw her booty cheeks (as if I wanted to).  I just shook my head and was glad that I didn't stoop myself to levels like that to get attention from guys.
When we finally sat down, it was just in time to see the guys run out of the tunnel!  The Wildcats were all dressed in their uniforms, but I was looking for #16.  And I saw him, it was so cool to see him in his football uniform!  And the best part of a football uniform is the football pants!. . .tight football pants! :-)  I mean, I know that he's my BGF, but I just had to take a peek at #16, and it was nice! LOL.  Back to the subject, the whole atmosphere was fun, but he didn't get a chance to play.  I was salty, racist school!  His mom couldn't take that, so we just left  close to the end and took my friend home, and we waited for him to get off the bus, needless to say, they lost.  I was expecting him to be all mean, but he was cool.  He was laughing and talking like he usually does, and he was actually being a lot nicer to me than usual so that was nice.  And once we got home, I thanked them for having me and they thanked me for coming.  So I walked in the house and slept good that night because me and BGF have come along way.  Shoot, I've known him since he was in 3rd grade, and now we're both 16, I'm a senior in high school and he's a junior (yes, I'm suppose to be in the 11th grade), I still can't believe it.  But that night, I couldn't help but to have SG on my mind till the very minute I fell asleep hoping that I would soon get a sign that he wants me just as much as I want him, I txtd him that night to convince myself that he still might like me, and I felt good about it, though I have soon been discouraged.  :'(         (sad face crying)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Lady Sings the First Week Blues: Week 1!

When I woke up Monday morning, I knew that I was going to be in for a surprise, and a lot of confusion because these jidiots didn't send us our schedules in the mail!  I was so heated about that!  But when I got to school, I was so excited to see my friends.  Then when I looked over across from us, I saw this boy that I had to cuss out last year because he was calling me phony!  Me, phony?  Brotha please!  I was so happy that he wasn't standing by us like he did last year, just blabbing away on some stuff that nobody was caring about, and then talking about you behind your back.
But anyhow, one of my friends was so excited about becoming a senior, that it was so unreal.  I think it was that way for all of us!  Shoot, to me, I didn't look or feel like a senior, but it was a reality that I was indeed a senior because this is my last year!  Yay!  Right when were just waiting to get our schedules, it started to rain, so everybody was thirsty to get in so they wouldn't mess up their first day of school dues, and I usually would of found that funny, but I had just got my afro shaped, so I was out!  LOL.  When we got inside, the first thing I wanted to find out was what my schedule was going to be, and if it was true that I had only 5 classes! (Yes, I said 5!  I owe that to years of working my asset off!)  And finally, the schedule was in my hands and I had 5 classes, which meant that I would get out at 11:50 a.m.!  Then right when I was enjoying this bliss, our troll blinky eyed dean walked by yelling at us already!  Damn, can a sistah get situated first?!
My first class was JROTC, a class I vowed to take before I graduated high school.  I put it off for a couple years because I did not want to deal with Sgt. Robinson.  He was a brotha, and that is cool don't get me wrong, but he was tryin' to put the moves on my mom, let alone other mothers! And last I heard, he was married! (Ugly, bald-eggshaped head lookin' dot-dot-dot--oh feel free to just ponder on what would go there) Then he quit last year and went to another school, so they brought in this white brotha by the name of, David Tatkacs (or something like that), a.k.a 1st Sgt, and I like him a lot better!  He's actually nice, and really likes to have this friendly relationship with his students, and he makes you feel a little bit more calmer about being in his class because Lord knows I was a nervous one.  But, I joined his class because I wanted to honor all my Black brotha's and sistahs that fought in every American war, including my Great-Grandfather who served during WWI, but I was beginning to second guess my ability to complete this class, even though I had wanted to wear that uniform since 6th grade when I first came to this school.  But in the end, I actually felt so patriotic in this class, and I know that with Martin [Luther King Jr.] watching over me, I can do anything I set my mind to.
My second class, British Lit, I was just expecting this certain person to be in that class.  This person, I call IT because he made my 9th grade year a living hell!  He is a living hell, but I won't embarrass him because Martin said that "if you get a chance to embarrass your enemy, don't take it".  (He got too lucky!)  I was salty but I know that I can't let that stop me from being the best I can be in that class, but I was happy that one of my friends was in that class.  Now this sistah, she is somewhat social, somewhat shy, but is so fun to be around, well, unless she's not around her other friends that interrupt us during a conversation to tell her something stupid.  That's the down side of our friendship, but I still love her because she is a true blue friend. Okay!  Next class, I had IT in there too, and I was hoping that IT was going to sit as far away from me as possible, but he was close enough to where I can see him, even though he won't catch me looking at his ugly self anytime soon. (Sorry Martin!)  But this class was a lot more enjoyable because our Government teacher is so animated and funny just by telling the truth.  Here was one thing that he said:
"So, the administrators want me to be more involved in the classroom." He pointed to the whiteboard on his right.  "So I'm going to write the date on the board everyday."  The next day he asked for our information just in case he had to call our parents.  "Look, I really don't want to have to call your parents, I haven't had to call one in 2 years.  And if you see me going down your street, please get me back on the freeway."
Love him already, but the only down side to teachers like that is that they make you actually dun-dun-dun dramatic reverb (Angry Beavers) participate in class!  I hate that as it is, but I guess I gotta pay close attention so that I can get a good grade on that.  Next we had college and career path, and the teacher was wearing a veil.  I had IT in this class to, but I had my BFF in this class to have my back.  This sistah, she's very shy and self conscious, and I do what I can to make her feel comfortable, and to bring her out of her comfort zone just a little bit.  I was so happy she was sitting by me in class for the first time since 9th grade.  The teacher was nice, and she had really a cool story to tell about how she was from Flint, Michigan (Michigan sucks!), and she had to work two jobs her senior year.  Then she lost her father, then her mother and sister at the same time, but she still went on to college.  She actually went to an HBCU and did a lot of work with the NAACP (my organization), and that was very inspirational, but there were still some ignorant people that weren't really listening to her.  I was actually impressed with her because this was the first time I had really had a teacher who was REALLY dedicated to what she was doing, and had a genuine concern for her students.
After this is when my day went from okay to headache.  I've had 2nd lunch since the 10th grade, and now during my last year, their making me eat with the freshmen, and the sophomores?! I was pissed!  Plus that meant that I would get out at 12:15 instead of 11:50, and that added another 25 minutes to my school day!  So my friend and I sat down in the basement with the loud freshmen at our usual table, and after a group of freshmen decided to come over and sit at our table without asking, we were out of there! We went back upstairs and sat in the computer lab, which is our 5th period class, but for the rest of the week we sat in guidance during lunch which is just terrible!  But on the first day, I was so mad that they did that to us, my headache got worse and I didn't even want to talk to anybody!  And computer was so boring that day because he had the long asset list of rules that he had people read, as if we couldn't read ourselves and I... the bell couldn't of rung any slower.  When it did, I was finally free!  But my headache was still causing me pain, and my mom didn't make it any better when she thought I was trippin' about school already when I told her I couldn't believe that I was a senior.
"Do you need therapy?" She said.
"Therapy? For what?"
"You already trippin' about May?"
Huh?  Just because I said that I couldn't believe that I was senior, and that I can't wait to graduate?!  Well damn.  Just by her thinking that, is what made my outlook on the year so dark that I couldn't even see anything, but slowly, I regained that sight by motivating myself by remembering that "disappointment, sorrow, and despair are born at midnight, but morning soon follows."-Martin Luther King Jr.