Finding Peace! Week 20

Wow, things had not been the same for me since I found out that I did not get into Ohio State, but I know that it's not the end of the world.  At the beginning of the week, I  began to doubt my intelligence, and everything I had done to get my GPA from a 2.9 to a 3.8 didn't mean anything to me anymore.  So I had to take myself to church.  I found my book, A Knock At Midnight, and after reading the sermon by Martin Luther King with the same name, a light was once again turned on in my life after all of those dark thoughts blocked the sun.  I came the following conclusions:
I WILL NOT DIE IF I DON'T GO TO OHIO STATE
-I WILL NOT DIE IF THEIR BASKETBALL TEAMS LOSES THE CHAMPIONSHIPS
-I WILL NOT DIE IF I DON'T EVER SEE THEIR TEAM PLAY
-I WILL NOT DIE IF  DON'T EVER GET TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS JARED SULLINGER
-I WILL STILL BE SUCCESSFUL NO MATTER WHERE I GO
-I HAVE BIG PLANS, AND I KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO BE A LEADER IN MY COMMUNITY NO MATTER WHERE I GO
-I WILL DO THAT PROGRAM WITH THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF BLACK JOURNALIST SOMEDAY
-I WILL INTERN AT CNN SOMEDAY
-I WILL WORK AT ESSENCE MAGAZINE SOMEDAY
Most importantly,
-WHEN I GO TO COLLEGE---I WILL WORK HARD SO THAT THERE WILL BE NO OPPORTUNITY THAT I CAN'T OBTAIN
-I WILL WORK SO HARD THAT MANY DOORS WILL BE OPENED FOR ME
-I WILL WORK HARD ENOUGH TO MAKE ALL MY DREAMS COME TRUE BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF LETTING OPPORTUNITY PASS ME BY!
-SO I'M GOING TO FIGHT FOR IT!  I WILL NO LONGER STAND ON THE SIDELINES TO WATCH CHANCES PASS ME BY!  I'M GOING TO FIGHT FOR IT!
-I AM GOING TO FIGHT FOR IT!  AND IT IS THIS DETERMINATION THAT IS GOING TO MAKE ME A GREAT LEADER ONE DAY!  AND I HOPE THAT TEN YEARS FROM NOW, I WILL BE PROUD WHEN I READ THIS!
SAD, BUT PROUD!
This week I also had the "heavy" thought of who I was going to take to the prom because it was either going to be my cousin Mr. Revolution or BGF.  My cousin is probably the most conscience person I know personally, and I would really enjoy sharing that special moment with him.  Then there is BGF.  He and I use to be real close and we could talk for hours and hours, but it doesn't seem that that connection is there anymore.  He doesn't txt me, and I don't txt him.  Even when we're together, we barely talk.  Still we care for each other and support each other.  The one thing I think is holding us back is the fact that he won't open up to me about anything!  I try hard to pry it out of him, but he holds to it so strong and I got so tired of it that I just don't even begin to struggle.  If I ask him what's wrong and he doesn't answer, I just drop the whole thing and walk away.  Still, we've been through a lot together, and I believe that it's just. . .right to take him because of our "bond" even though I have no clue if it's still there.  Actually, I haven't talked to him in about a month, and I don't even see him anymore.  After a quick look at his Facebook, I see that he's out having fun with whomever while I'm stuck in the house with absolutely no social life except for the NAACP.  I don't know, but I got this funny feeling when I saw him out and about, but I guess it's because I want him to feel the way I do on the weekends: depressed, alone, and bored.  But I know that it very selfish.
Then yesterday, after a talk with my cousin, I realized that there are more important things happening in the world besides who I'm taking to the prom.  And to be completely honest, it won't matter ten years from now who I take because I hope to be a budding professional in the Journalism industry.  Then when prom comes, I will live in the moment and not let anything get to me.  Still, no matter who I take to the prom, there is going to be poverty, violence, and injustice out there somewhere and I know that I was meant to stop it.
To be completely honest with you, I don't know why I am so selfless.  Yeah, it seems as if I'm always thinking about the problems of the people around me and am unable to live with myself if I don't do anything to solve the problem.  You know, I can't help the poor by myself!  I haven't even studied the problem closely enough to give you a detailed answer to why I think education could fix the problem, I don't even know any other solution besides this one!  Sometimes, I think that focusing on problems such as poverty and Black on Black crime, I am purposely taking my mind off my misfortunes, while also trying to mask my own inner doubts about myself.  That's probably why I find myself writing all the time, and thinking about another book instead of focusing on World Literature Class.  Is this a curse? or is it a gift?  I probably won't know until I'm 27.
So have a great week!
Love,
          Blackness PEACE