Saturday, June 18, 2011

Can I Get A Witness?!

"...Is it right to be treated so bad when you give her everything you had
Keep on talking in my sleep 'cause I haven't seen my baby all week
Now you kids who agree that this ain't the way love's supposed to be
Let me hear you, let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah
Up early in the morning with her on my mind
After finding out all night that I been cryin'..." --Marvin Gaye

Ever since Monday, I was trying to think of a great title for my post and I was just about to name it, "I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free" after the song by Nina Simone, but that was before I came across one of those Marvin Gaye classics that I had never heard before.  Now, let me tell you that this week has been something!  Actually, this whole summer has been something and I have no idea how I'm going to survive it, but I know that I will survive!
All right, many of you may be wondering why in the world I would pick this song out of all the songs in the world, and I am going to get to that right now.  See, this summer, I have had the misfortune of being treated like crap by two of whom I thought were my closest friends!  First Butterfly disses me because she thought that I was trying to put her mother on blast for not driving us anywhere!  See, my grandmother, my mother, my step-dad, my prom date, and my prom date's mother have driven her around for these past four years!  The only time that her mom took me somewhere was way back in ninth grade and that happened to be the only place that Butterfly invited me!  But really, I didn't feel like she owed me anything for all those times because I enjoyed her company very much, but now, I could really give a ruck!  Alls I wanted to do was go to the movies to see the Hangover Part II, and I thought maybe THIS TIME, he mother could drive us to the movies, just THIS TIME, but she kept making excuses and got offended till the point where she told she wasn't going.  Then the next day, she sent me a long-a txt message trying to dog me over some misunderstanding!  Plus she had the nerve to call me "Sweetie"?! Gurrrrlllll Gone! See that's when I have to get ghetto on yo you-know-what!  That's one of my pet peeves; so please don't call me sweetie in an attitude type way, and I would actually appreciate it if you didn't call me that at all.  The only person I let get away with it is my cousin Prada (not her real name), but I kind of get annoyed when she calls me that too.  
Anyhow, I sent her a very tasteful txt message, but I was so happy to burst her bubble that I ended it with the words, "so there you go sweetie".  Around two in the morning, she txt me back ending the whole friendship!  I mean, I could understand if you were sawlty for a while, but ending a friendship over a whole misunderstanding?! That's whack!  I recently saw her at my other friend's graduation party and she would walk out the room just sawlty at the sight of me, but I made sure I talked louder, laughed louder, and hugged my friends a little tighter.  I guess she had her mom come pick her up early because we didn't see her for the rest of the day.
"...But I believe a woman's a man's best friend
And I'm gonna stick by her till the bitter end
Well she causes so much misery that I forget how love's supposed to be
Somebody somewhere tell her it ain't fair..." --Marvin Gaye

The next story is about Mr. BGF.  I hadn't seen BGF for a long time, well, not in my house at least.  I would see him outside talking with his other friends, and I be in my house longing to get away from here so that I may stop thinking about Adam Morgan from the book Josephine by Beverly Jenkins, which I gave to Butterfly as a present but now I'm keeping it!  Anywho, on Saturday BGF had called me but I decided not to answer it in protest to the many times that I txt him and he never txt me back!  Then I had begun to feel bad because I HAVE A CONSCIOUS!  But Monday came around and BGF knocked on my bedroom door while I was just in the mirror fixing my afro, and he asked me, "why didn't you call me back?" I knew that I was going to tell him that I thought it would be too late, which I did, but I always lose my words when I'm around him.  Yeah, I know, it's weird.  That's probably why he thinks he's more mature than me.  I can't explain it, maybe I'm just in so much awe that a boy would want to be really good friends with me that I just lose my train of thought.  But anyhow, we did our back and forths, and I followed him downstairs but I saw he was talking with my sister so I decided to leave and go back up because I feel so awkward around him when my sister is around because I've had him to myself for such a long time that I'm just not use to sharing.  I mean, they were friends first, but they fell out so many times while our friendship blossomed like an orchid in the spring time. (Yeah! I can be poetic!)  All of a sudden, she just started to hang around us, when before, she would just leave the room and he and I would talk for hours about things I can't even remember now.  Now, I feel like the odd man out.  
After spending a few minutes in my room listening to music and thinking about my entrance, because you have to be careful with what you do around BGF, he will spot something that you didn't even see.  So I went back downstairs and told my sister that I had to get on the computer to type my scholarship essay.  Then as soon as I sat down BGF starts riding me about how flat my afro is in the back.  But I brushed it off and went back to what I was doing, but he just kept going and going, even talking about my lips, and I was thinking, "man why does this dude have to keep talking about me?!" Then he saved himself by telling me that it was his way of showing affection, which is why he doesn't mess with my sister.  And at that very moment is where I felt that all these months of worrying about where our friendship stood and what it meant to him was for nothing.  Why did I come to that conclusion? Well I know that no matter where we end up in life, we will never come to know the friendship, or whatever you want to call it, that we have, the connection we have.  And that my brothas and sistahs is a beautiful thing.
Soon, my mother came home with my baby sister, who's two, and hearing her scream for BGF was something so beautiful that it was almost like out of the movies.  She ran to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and they shared a sweet embrace.  They were laughing and he was being so sweet to her, I didn't think anything could go wrong because I had even learned that I won my first scholarship that day! (Shout out to the Cleveland NAACP!)  But then things took a turn for the worst:
My mom had left to go to the store, so she left the baby with us.  My other sister took her outside to see BGF, but apparently he was trying to get away from her, but he sat on the porch with them while I sat at the computer trying to finish the final paragraph of my paper.  Then I heard this commotion and BGF carried the baby back in and told her to get in time out.  Then he and my other sister proceeded to tell me that she had said the "f-word". I wasn't thinking at the time so I agreed to keep her in the house.  But after a few minutes, I had an epiphany: why am I going to punish a two year old that does not understand what the "f-word" means?  She was looking out he door longingly, just wanting to join the others, so I told her to apologize, which she did twice, but I thought BGF was being a bit harsh, but when I couldn't convince her to stay in the house with me, I sent her back outside because she didn't know what was going on.  That's when I heard BGF yell, "did Blackness let her out?!" So I sat in anticipation for him to come into my house with an attitude, but boy was I off!  He just started screaming at me like he was a f-in maniac!  So I had to defend myself and my little sister, so I said somethings and he said somethings that just blew my mind! (But overall I was proud of myself to standing up for myself)  My heart was racing because I was having a HEATED argument with a guy that I considered to be one of my "best-friends"! He had even escorted me to my prom!  I just couldn't believe it!  But I'm not typing this to bash anyone...not at all.  I think the reason I felt I had to get this out there was because I just don't know what I do to deserve to be treated so badly, especially by people I care about.  Butterfly dissed me and left, but I got over that in a matter of days.  With BGF, I'm still not over it because his friendship was the most special to me, and I think I know why; my father has not been in my life since I was two, and that's for a reason I shall not say until the time is right, but I picked up this book called, Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women, and upon reading it, I stumbled upon something that I thought was the very reason why I valued BGF's friendship, and that is because I fear of being abandoned by any male that befriends me.  So I always think carefully about what I do or say around him so that he may not get mad at me and not want to be my friend anymore.  The only bad part of me reading this book is that I kind of feel justified for wanting him back.  Shouldn't I still be so mad at him? Shouldn't I not want to see him or speak to him again? Shouldn't being cool again be the last thing on my mind? (shrugging my shoulders) who knows.  But what I do know is that I am a big girl and I will go over there and talk to him, even though he made it clear he wasn't going to apologize, and I feel that there is nothing to apologize for.  I just don't want to leave off for college like this because I know there will be no chance for our friendship then. (Man, just last year I was getting played by Donkey, but this year, I'm just getting played by everybody.)
"...Can I get a witness, can I get a witness
(Can I get a witness), I want a witness
(Can I get a witness), With the quickness
(Can I get a witness), witness, witness
(Can I get a witness)..."--
Marvin Gaye

SMH! Why do people have to treat me like this? Actually...don't answer that.

Blackness peACe!

No comments:

Post a Comment