NEVER SETTLE! Week 5!

This week was very hard for me because I feel that I was not given all that I deserve in life, and that I was given this horrible luck when I don't feel that I deserve it.  See, I was doing great this week until I learned that I was ranked number 39th in my graduating class after all that hard work I put into my studies for the past two years.  Then I was even more broken hearted to learn that my cumulative was a  2.93 instead of a 3.3 as I originally thought!  So I thought all hope was lost, and my quest into getting into Ohio State or Howard University would be over and I was only fighting a lost cause; I had even cried yesterday because I thought I was doomed to go to CSU(Cleveland State University), or the University of Akron (even though there is no problem with that school.)   I really don't have problems with these schools, but they are just too easy to get in!  I mean this senior that was in my physics class last year use to just sit in the back of the classroom talking about all these "freaks" he was allegedly getting, and complaining when he got bad grades, and that idiot got in!  So if he could do it, ANYONE can!
With this, I began to think about all the other bad things that has happened to me in the past and thought, "why do people treat me wrong?"  "How come the people that are mean and treat people wrong get to win and I lose?"  "I don't do anything to anybody.  I just sit by myself and write stories to show my appreciation for my Black culture.  What is so wrong about that?"  "I failed my ancestors!  I can't even look at Martin after this."  "Why would SG want to go out with  a girl that isn't even sure of herself?  The girls he usually like are loud, I'm not that."
All these thoughts were going through my mind, and I thought that I would never see the sun again.  So I just cried that whole day because I thought that everything that I worked for was over.  Then it dawned on me that I can get through anything, and I CAN beat the odds!  So I blindly made a vow to do better in school and not to give up because the fight is not over!  Even though people want me to get into a major that will guarantee me a job, I will not let them tell me to do anything that I am not passionate about!  Even though my guidance counselor said that I should really consider the military, and I know he meant the best, but I will NOT settle for anything less than the goals that I have set for myself!  I WILL NOT SELL MYSELF SHORT of what I deserve because I know that I deserve the best and will not rest until I get it!  I work for my ancestors and for myself, and if SG doesn't end up liking me after all, then that's a loss for him because I'm not about to conform myself to what I think he might want me to be; if he doesn' t like me already for who I am, then he isn't worth my time!  That's that! There is PLENTY of other fish in the sea that will appreciate what I have, and I also have my cousin Mr. Revolution as a plan B if this whole thing doesn't work out. Soooooo HA!
The thing that woke up my spirits once again was when we were in College path. Mrs. B made us watch these videos about the history of HBCUs and then she asked us about W.E.B. Du Bois and Booker T Washington and how they had their conflict.  Then she asked about Plessy v. Furguson, and Brown v Board of Education.  I of course didn't have to read anything because I knew all about this stuff.  So I got my paper done in that class period!  When I brought it up to her she said that she knew that I would finish.  Then I told her my answer about W.E.B. Du Bois and Booker T. Washington and she was so happy to hear what I knew that she hugged me.  She said, "Blackness, you're so good in history."  At that moment, I realized that I AM smart and even though I can't answer a math or science problem with ease, I can at least tell you more about where I come from than the average teen my age!  And I realized that my ancestors wondered why White people didn't like them, and why they treated them so wrong, and they got through it!  So can I!  The only difference is, I'm not dealing with White people, I'm dealing with my own race. . .sad ain't it?

Love,
               Blackness