I already explained that Miami and Howard hold my fate within their hands, and I really have no idea what I am going to do if I don't at least get into Howard University. I mean, I know that I have Bowling Green as an option, but it isn't and never has been my top choice school, it has been a safety school, but I also have Indiana State, which I know is a really good school. I have to wait until March 15th to hear from Miami University, and I have to wait around that time through early April for Howard University. So, here I go.
Next, I am trying to clean up my negative emotions because things can get real dark in that mind of mine. I am kind of depressed because I noticed that I am not working as hard as I was in the first semester, and I'm afraid that it might be senioritious. I didn't know that it could be so contagious, but I think I might of caught it when I vowed that it would never happen to me. So I have an F in one of my classes which has only brought my GPA down to a 3.33, but if I want to leave out with that final 4.0 that I can never seem to attain, I gotta push myself. This year, I strongly believe that anything is possible because if I can get honor roll, anybody can do it!
The next thing I need to get over is the fact that SG definitely is not a good candidate for prom, so instead, I am going to ask BGF. You know, BGF has been acting very funny lately, and that has really hurt me. He is not the only guy friend that I have had in my life, but he is probably the most special. He doesn't know what he means to me, and I am pretty sure that I don't know what I mean to him, even though I might have my ideas. This is one of the only friends that I can truly say that I love, and I love him deeply and I care for him deeply; he doesn't know how he affects me when we have an argument or something, or when we have a nice time, etc. etc. etc. I just care about this one. So, you can only imagine how hurt I am when I see how far apart we have drifted over the years, and he has his moments when he can get quite funny on you. Besides that, he is great.
Then there is this other boy that my mother asked me about. I never met him before, but I know that he plays football for a local school just like BGF. He is my mom's friend's nephew or something, and he said that he would be more than happy to take me to the prom if the BGF thing doesn't work out, which I think is so sweet. I mean, I think that this is so nice that I really am taking this into consideration, and if things do work out between BGF and I, I will still call him to thank him, and I will be more brave/forward and ask him to hang out sometime during the summer because I know that he is graduating this year too. BGF is graduating next year, but I have to admit that he is wise beyond his years.
With all this boy stuff, I can't help but to think about the fact that I still do not have a boyfriend, and haven't had one in about two years. It's not as hard as it sounds because being single means that you can talk to any boy you want, and you don't have to worry about a boy being down your neck about the most trivial things. After this whole thing with SG ended up with him having a girlfriend in the end, or a girl that he was interested in, I have been kind of crushed for the moment, but I'm not going to shut myself in a box over a boy that isn't even interested in me. Still, I think it was for the best because after reading a book that involved a girl and a boy really liking each other, going on a date, having that magical kiss, and then ending up making out on his couch while his parents weren't home, I realized that SG and I could NEVER do that, not anytime soon anyway. Even though this hot pursuit did not work out, I am very excited about the boy that will come and be the one, for the moment, that will make me happy, and make me feel as if I'm worth something. I don't need to rush things now, but when the time comes, the time will come.
So, time for me to get cleaning now that I have everything out in the open!
Love,
Blackness PEAcE
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